What Does It Mean To Be Alive?

What Does It Mean To Be Alive?

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What does it mean to you to be alive?

Breathe. You are here.

My mom says it’s two lives you live, before and after. I think the after is heavy, there is a certain weight that most people don’t know about.

Breathe. Try to smile.

You know there are different worlds, those who know grief and those who don’t.

I can’t make sense to you — unless you feel it too.

Breathe. Try not to run away.

A memory.

“Lis, chill the fuck out. Stop tripping, you are bugging me out.”

It’s the two of us on the cancer floor at Sloan where they amputate body parts to save people from cancer. Unfortunately, Joe doesn’t have that option. But our roommate just had his leg off so he gets to live.

I am suppose to be in charge, maybe? Joe always is in charge. We are in a room the nurse told us where sometimes they have to hold people down because they have just had brain surgery and it messes up their head.

This has messed up my head and I’m bugging out Joe. I would give anything to go back to that room with Joe. Anything to hear his voice. Anything for the chance to make another memory.

I try to remember to take the pain, this is who I am. We don’t get any choice in a lot of things. So, it’s important for the choices we do get to live our lives the way we want to.

Breathe. Be kind. It’s all that really matters.

xx

Joe’s Sister

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